Behavioural Psychologist Andrew Chatten Discusses Young Males’ Mental Health and Why She Dislikes The Term ‘Snowflake Generation’

‘Men don’t know what to feel if they grow up in families where boys are not allowed to cry and are told they are week if they do.’

Andrew Chatten, CEO and Founder of Unravel

Andrea Chatten has a Masters degree in Developmental Psychology and is the founder of 'Unravel' – a team of specialised and emotional behavioural psychologists and practitioners who provide bespoke support for children, young people, families and professionals. 

She has been working with complex and vulnerable children for over 35 years. In 2014, she decided to carve out a new model of psychological support to promote the well-being of children, young people and their families in Sheffield. Unravel has offered support at a wide range of Sheffield schools, academies and organisations and is increasingly reaching out to other schools across the UK – such is the demand for professional, psychological support for children and young people. 

In 2020, Andrea embarked on a PhD on her hypotheses that had become apparent over her career and is hoping that her findings will significantly impact what we know about CYP’s mental health but, more importantly, the best ways to support and improve it.

As lead expert in Children’s Emotional And Behavioural issues, Andrea is the author of The Blinks novels and Reference Manuals and has had an extensive teaching career. She has  been a primary school teacher in some of the most deprived areas of the country, a special needs teacher in a pioneering learning support unit and a team leader in a pupil referral unit.

Andrea spoke to InterActiv specifically in relation to men's mental health for our focus on Movember.

Do you see more struggling young men than women?

We see probably the same number of males to females but, interestingly, when I worked in a pupil referral unit for children who had been permanently excluded from school, it was about 90% males. These behavioural issues were mental health issues that were being misinterpreted and therefore not supported in the correct way. We can’t punish anyone for 'feeling' –  that needs to change. If we educate young people about their uncomfortable emotions and improve the skills of what to do with them, many children would be calmer and happier all round. At Unravel we deal with all emotional and behavioural issues. If children or young people are feeling something that is impacting on their quality of life and mental health, or if they are presenting with behaviours that are causing problems, we can help them understand the 'why’s' and more importantly how to transform their situation due to learning greater insight and positive action strategies. 

Men don’t often know what to feel if they have grown up in families where boys are not allowed to cry and they are told they are weak if they do. If they constantly repress showing any negative emotions – which may be feeling sad, confused or struggling – then often this ‘dampening down’ of genuine natural emotions everyone feels can catch up with men when they are older. This can then get them in a bit of a pickle because they are unable to show outwardly what they are feeling inwardly. They haven’t been educated to show what they are feeling, just encouraged to bury those feelings away. As always it’s about training. In the schools we are lucky to be working in, our approach becomes embedded into the school philosophy, so when issues like this are observed the school is informed in an article that educates the school team in recognising this issue and knowing how to tackle it with supportive strategies of action.

It seems today that young men hit the 25 to 30 age group and something they have repressed becomes activated. This is shown in the suicide rates. It seems that something is happening and gathering momentum and there is a sense of entrapment, a sense of dealing with a lot of feelings they don’t understand and feeling trapped in dealing with them. That’s why, if they don’t know how to address or release those feelings, suicide can sometimes feel it's the only way out.

Has awareness of men’s mental health changed over the years?

I think the younger generation are much more okay about not being okay. Also, I think that the education system is getting better at making mental health a focus within the school ethos, though this is very different from one school to another.

My generation were a product of the 70s with our parents being children of  the war years with their parents being stoic and Keeping Calm and Carrying On. We have all learnt how to be brilliant in a crisis but not very good at understanding what's behind the bravado. Just because there's a lack of visible emotion doesn't mean that there isn't some really important emotional stuff that needs to be addressed. This can become generational as we often parent our children as we were parented.

I dislike the term 'snowflake generation’. A sensitive temperament is a positive trait to have as it usually comes with greater compassion, empathy and emotional awareness. Many of the generations before, were not able to feel sensitive as it was seen as a weakness, it really isn’t! A more sensitive approach from society would eradicate a lot of its problems.

How can parents encourage their sons to open up? 

Start young. Making talking about emotions normal and modelling them – and fathers are important in this too. Children need to see from an early age that feeling something is okay, and never punish the emotion. Of course address the behaviour that’s come from the emotion and teach alternative behavioural approaches, this is how we build emotional intelligence. The Blinks books are all about this, helping children to become masters of their brains rather than slaves to their emotions.

It’s also about spelling it out clearly too. With my children, I know from a personal perspective, I always said to them:

“If you ever have an issue or problem that feels uncomfortable, or is causing you to worry or feels too big, we are always here for you to talk to. We are a team and four brains are better than one so we will always be able to help find the best solution to the problem, and support you through it.” 

Interestingly, over their development, this activated different responses in them. In the earlier years they nodded, during the teenage years they rejected it a bit, not wanting to hear it and said: 

“Okay Mum we know.” 

However they’ve both brought emotional life issues to us so they can feel safe at difficult times and not so alone. They are in their 20’s now and talking about things is so natural to them. It doesn’t get shelved until it builds up into something that is much harder to address. This makes emotional issues so much easier to deal with.

How beneficial is family counselllng?

When we are working with children with emotional and behavioural issues, we highly recommend the parents have an Adaptive Parenting session first, as we as the adults are as instrumental in positive changes as the child. The APS’s are bespoke to the individual and family issues and needs. They provide insight and strategies to help make positive transformations and also build parental confidence. We know that children who are struggling emotionally are very sensitive to this, so the information that they learn acts as a philosophy to embed into their parenting approach and helps them feel more confident and robust for themselves and their children. Then the child can start the process of learning how to talk about their issues and how to manage them at difficult times, improving their emotional intelligence through insight and action strategies that will be beneficial across their lifespan.

Unravel (registered with the British Psychological Service (BPS) works on a self referral basis, email, phone or pop into the Unravel hub in Totley, 

Details on the website: www.unravelsupport.co.uk

Phone 0114 201 6347

Email: hello@unravel support.co.uk.

Office hours: Mon - Fri 8am to 8pm .